Zero Hour
by stilljustme
Summary: He had sworn himself he would never trust Jedikiah again. He had sworn himself he would get through life on his own - even through human life. Yet here he was again, sitting next to the man he hated and loved more than anyone else.


**Set at: end of series' finale, when Jedikiah offers John to give him back his powers.**

"It's not yours. It's Roger's. I saved it for you! Come on! Don't you want your life back?" Jedikiah sounded almost hysterical, and John tensed, ready to telep… run at any moment. Jed was more used to humanity than he was, but John was younger, and he still remembered how he'd run away as a child, trying to escape fights, hunger, abuse. Escape Jedikiah's disappointment, or his aspiring, manic plans. He could, and he would outrun his mentor if he needed to.  
He would not let Jedikiah make him a monster again, and the glimmer in the elder man's eyes indicated that this might happen if John let him continue. What for, anyway? It was over.  
His powers were gone. Destroyed. He was human now, and trying to make Roger's powers his own... John closed his eyes. Would it work? Would everything get back to normal? That'd be too easy. Irene had only two weeks ago found the genes that distinguished homo superior from homo sapiens, and so far the only experiment made with them had been when Jedikiah had tried to update himself. It hadn't killed him, but it hadn't worked either.  
How much of a person's personality lied within his powers? How much of Roger would be inside him, and would he be able to hold all that up?

He could have his life back. Or he could lose even the new life he was just about to start.

Jedikiah sensed his former protegé's indecisiveness. Any other time, he would have told John he understood his doubts – it was a risk, something he had never even thought of trying before.  
Would Roger's powers change who John was on the inside? What would he have to pay if he took parts of another person's cellular identity? For himself, Jedikiah hadn't cared two weeks ago. Whatever the price, he was willing to pay it for the chance to be like Roger. Equal to his little brother, for once.  
The following forty minutes had been the best of his life. Nothing compared to the energy rushing through him, the endless possibilities, the freedom unbeknownst to man...  
Forty minutes. Since minute forty-one, everything had gone wrong. He had lost Roger. Forever this time, and knowing he had really tried to do the right thing when shooting his little brother only made it worse. He wasn't good at being good.  
And it had been in vain. The world had still been doomed, and still been saved by Stephen. Roger's sacrifice... for nothing.  
Since minute forty-one, all Jedikiah wanted was turn back the time. Yes, he was alive, but what for? He had known freedom, and now he felt more chained, more powerless than ever. He hated this life.  
And he couldn't escape it.

But John could, and he had to! He could go back to normal, to how they had been when it all had started. A powerful team where everyone had his position, where tomorrow people and humans worked together, where everyone was important.  
He had given John a home, a feeling of belonging. In exchange John had given him the feeling of being needed, of being useful.  
No matter the cost he would not let that be taken away from him again. Not by this girl Astrid – though Jedikiah appreciated how she had been there for John, yes he had noticed it, and had noticed the confusion on John's face, as if he himself wasn't sure whom his heart belonged to – running free, probably on her way to Stephen already.

He would have to deal with her as soon as the procedure on John started. No matter the promise he'd given his nephew, no matter the girl's good influence on John over the past days, he would not let anything, or anybody come between him and his son again. He had lost and found and once again lost his brother, he would not suffer the same with John.  
And he knew how to get what he wanted - despite Astrid, despite their problems. John was like him in the way that he didn't let go of the people he once had loved. He would never stop loving them.  
"Don't you want Cara back?"

John froze. The question exploded inside him, making him go numb and aflame with pain at the same time.  
No way.  
Even if he let Jedikiah inject him with Roger's powers… Cara was gone. He had lost her, they had lost each other somewhere… he still didn't know when it had happened. It had started with Stephen and ended with Astrid, but John knew he couldn't blame them for the mistakes Cara and he had made. They had lied, both of them. They'd betrayed each other, and then tried to go over it as fast as possible. After all, there'd been more pressing matters ahead - a war to win, or the world to lose. Somehow, John had thought they'd have time to talk it through afterwards.  
But then time had stopped and when it had started again for the world, it hadn't for Cara and him together.

Then again, there was Astrid. Astrid who made him laugh, who made it possible to be human and still enjoy life, who was the only one ever to trust him no matter what he was. Kissing her at the edge of world's end might have been motivated by fear, but there'd been something more to it, and to every kiss they'd shared afterwards. John would never be as hopelessly romantic as she was, but he loved that she was. He loved how she saw the world, even though he couldn't see it her way. Yet.  
Astrid saw a light inside him, even now, and loved him for it.  
Cara saw his darkness, and loved him despite of it.  
He could not let anything happen to either of them, he realized, with a surge of despair he hadn't felt since the founder had stripped him of his powers. It wasn't Cara's fault they'd fallen apart.  
It was his fault.

Jedikiah sighed in both relief and pity as he saw the pain on John's face. "Don't you want Cara back?" he repeated, gentler now.  
John swallowed heavily. "What about Astrid?"  
Jedikiah frowned. "If you don't want Cara, take her. I thought she was in love with Stephen as well but what do I know." He smiled at himself as John's face darkened.  
"John, I don't want to force you into anything. I just want you to have every option there is. You are not born human. This is not what you're meant to be. Trust me. Let me give you back this piece of yourself, and then you can go and do as you please. Be with Cara, be with Astrid, I don't mind. I just want you to be happy."  
John frowned. "What's in it for you?"

Jedikiah sighed. "I want to make amends, John. I killed my brother. I loved him more than anyone else when we were young, I promised to protect him. And then I ended up killing him. I'm tired of losing people. I want peace. I can't lose another part of my family."

John closed his eyes. He wanted to believe his mentor, wanted to believe that peace and family were available for all of them.  
Could he trust Jedikiah on this? Half his instincts cried no. The other half was too weary with longing to say anything.

Home. He could go home. He wouldn't be a leader anymore, no doubt, Cara was, and very likely Stephen had taken over John's position. In every possible way.  
It hurt to think about them like that, more than he had thought. And it would hurt even more to see them.  
But he could go home. To Charlie. To Russell.  
To his old, true self.

"Okay."


End file.
